THIS IS MY PERSONAL TESTIMONY OF HOW GOD PLUCKED ME FROM A LIFE OF SIN AND BROUGHT ME INTO HIS SAVING GRACE. WHY HE FELT ME WORTHY...IS STILL A MYSTERY TO ME, BUT I WILL PRAISE HIM ALL MY DAYS.

My life has been far, very far from pristine. It began one chilly autumn morning. I came into the world just like anyone else; sinless and chaste.

As I traveled through the years, all of that changed and I became a sinner. I very rarely ever went to church in my youth and my knowledge of God would have maybe filled a thimble at best. I had gained the knowledge of good and bad, but most of the secular world does not view sin as illegal or for the most part all that bad...just depends on the nature of the sin. I mean God hates a liar and how many times have we all told little white lies thinking nothing of it at all? A lie is a lie, no matter the size or the color.

In my teens, I became very promiscuous. There were reasons I made the choices that I made, but to go there, would be to place the blame elsewhere and we are each responsible for our own decisions and judgements in this life. We are not God puppets on a string. He gives us all free will.

I certainly made many wrong choices and life was miserable for me. Oft times I contemplated suicide in my search for reasons, answers and as a way to escape the pain. I did remember hearing someone say that committing suicide would send you straight to hell and that is probably the only reason I never followed through...Praise God. Wether or not suicide will send you to hell or not, I do not know. That is a question I have yet to find an answer too, but I am not willing to test the theory.

Being a non-Christian at the time, I married a non-Christian when I had just turned 18. Our marriage of 27 years was a plethora of hills and valleys ranging from drunkenness, drugs and adultery. It was both mentally and physically debilitating at best. I never knew the reasons or the answers. I did attempt to pray at times, but never really believed anyone was listening or cared at the time. After all, who was I, but just a little speck among a multitude of billions here on earth. If God was real, why would he bother with someone like me? 1991 had been a particularly bad year, especially with marital problems, family illnesses and health problems . For condolence , I spent my weekends drinking, flirting and closing down the bars and thinking "why not"? My husband certainly didnt care what I did, so why should I?

However, at this point in my life, guilt began to weigh on me quiet heavily and I had met a Christian friend, one of my daughter's friend's mother. She talked to me about God and I discovered things I had never heard before. I started going to church with her on occasion, but felt so ashamed, I didnt really want to be there. I wanted to be back in the bars where I felt comfortable and at ease. All of this built up inside of me until I just couldnt understand what was going on.

I had never really cared before and now I was dealing with both feelings of guilt and shame for who I was. I was fast on my way to becoming an alcoholic, but still didnt care, it helped me avoid real life. I knew this would be my ultimate path because there are so many alcoholics in my family, but I was so lost, I just didnt care. Anyway my husband was a "party animal" and loved this life stile. We had friends that we would get together with on the weekends and drink and play poker from sundown, til dawn the next day. We always watched the worst of the worst videos. He condoned it all, so what was the big deal. He wanted a party girl and I was sure that.

The feelings inside me continued to plaque me each time I went to church. I know now that it was God calling to me, I just didnt want to hear. To hear, would mean I had to be "good" and I wasnt ready or willing to give up my life style.

At the beginning of 1992, I had been home from the hospital for just two days, after having had emergency surgery for my appendix, when a knock came at the door. I found myself face to face with two police officers with my son standing between them. Seemed as though he had been arrested for shoplifting. I couldnt stand anymore, it had all become more than I could bare. I was at the bottom of a very slimy pit and couldnt get a firm grasp to climb out. As soon a the officers departed, leaving my son with me, I went into the bedroom, fell to my knees and cried out to God. I asked His forgiveness and begged Him to come in and take control of my life. I gave Him my all.

That same year, I developed severe panic disorder which I could not understand..where was God when I needed him? I felt betrayed. Nothing could have been further from the truth. Hadnt I asked God to take control of my life? Well He did. As a result of the panic disorder, I had to start taking xanax, and you can absolutely not drink while taking this drug, so that put an end to my drinking days. Yes, I was still drinking. Christianity is not and instantaneous transformation, it is a process that you go through day by day.

My husband of 27 years could not deal with this new person that I was becoming, I was becoming a new creature in Christ, so he left me for another woman, but God sustained me through this ordeal. I wont say it was easy, and I even doubted God and my faith from time to time.

There even came a point when I lost a dear friend because she couldnt deal with the new me either. (Matthew 5: 10-12, 10: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake or theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11: Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for my sake. 12: Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so the persecuted the prophets who were before you.)

Yes, I sustained loss and was terribly hurt, but God was there to hold me through it all. When there is darkness and storm, do not be dismayed, hold tight and He will bring you through it back into the light and the calm.

Continued on the following page.....